A Toast to the Douchebags!

If you haven’t already, I must insist you read Samer’s post on How to Spot a Douchebag. I know we’ve been involved in a Gender War of late, but his post is hysterical.

In the inevitable search for ‘The One’, us women have to go through some horror stories that wouldn’t be far placed from those American Romantic comedies we spend most weekends in the cinema watching. We laugh at how bad it can get, but the truth is, we’ve all had our fair share of dating disasters! Here are a few that examples. (All names have been kept anonymous for the sake of the ladies who’ve shared their stories)

1. “Can I kiss your friend?” On the fourth date with a guy she’d been seeing, Girl A was asked this question by Douche 1. He was not kidding. She was not amused.

2. “I’ve kissed over 100 girls. I’m amazing!” I kid you not, this one happened to me recently at Horizon Lounge at the Habtoor Grand. Douche 2 comes up to me and proclaims that I have to kiss him as he’s an incredible kisser and his 100 ‘victims’ (for lack of a better word) would all testify to this fact. Needless to say I ran a million miles in the other direction.

3. “Do you want a drink?” This story makes me laugh, but it wasn’t so funny for Girl B when it was happening. Douche 3 turned up to a date drunk, continued drinking throughout the date and then insisted on driving the girl home. She refused and insisted he take a cab home as the guy was absolutely hammered. After getting angry at her for suggesting he was drunk, he strolled over to his car and popped his trunk from which he produced a bottle of Belvedere and offered her another drink to ‘calm her down’. There wasn’t a second date.

4. “I’m going to wash my hands – at the table!” There is etiquette when it comes to dates. Simple rules that are easy to follow that both men and women can adhere to. However Douche 4 was a very special example of what not to do on a date. First date, Girl C was enjoying the company of Douche 4. The meal ended and she excused herself to go to the bathroom to freshen up. Douche told her to wait and then instructed the waiter to bring over a jug of water to the table. He then washed his hands in the jug and then offered the jug to the girl to do the same. Appalled, she politely declined, ran to the bathroom and then swiftly made up an excuse to leave. This date would not be continuing on. Neither would anymore!

5. “Order some food. I just have to make a call in the other room.” Douche 5 is a special category of Douche. After a night partying in 400, a subsequent after party commenced at one of the suites in the Fairmont Hotel. He told Girl D to order some food from room service and he was going to make a call in the other room. After half an hour, Girl D got concerned as to his whereabouts so she went to look. She found him making out with another girl in the guest bathroom. After some screaming and shouting, the other girl swiftly left and Douche tried to calm Girl D down. His response; “I don’t think she’s as hot as you. Just has a better ass!” I kid you not!

I want to say ladies don’t give up in your search for Mr.Right, but with examples like these, its hard not to join you and say “Here’s a toast to the douchebags! I’m focusing on me!”

More horror stories next week!


One thought on “A Toast to the Douchebags!

  1. hahahahaha! this is hilarious!!!
    im sure that if you look at each and everyone of the douchebags mentioned above, you are bound to find atleast 1 of the traits i warned you ladies about!!! please share more horror stories! go on!! also, this calls for a post from our side with horrible experiences that men have faced!! im loving this! hahaha

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